The Many Fears of Public Speaking: Fear of the Unknown

What makes speaking so nerve racking for me and many others is the idea that this is the very first time in front of this particular audience, sharing this content, in this space and time. It’s all new and largely unknown. Not being able to recognize anything as familiar is a uniquely terrifying experience.

She delivered the news to me with enthusiasm, “You’re scheduled to speak at the upcoming conference for business leaders and there will be two hundred in attendance!” I was working at a public speaking training company and the stakes could not be higher for me. My boss, peers, and potential clients would be watching what would unfold. I would be speaking about the top five most important elements of a great presentation and I’d need to demonstrate them flawlessly. My credibility was on the line. The lump in my throat was the size of a grapefruit.

It was not a new speech. In fact, I had presented the speech about twenty times already. The difference was, I had presented it to groups of twenty or less. I got familiar with how that looked and how I would ‘be’ in that type of environment. I got comfortable.

This was completely different. (At least it felt that way to me.) The idea of speaking to two-hundred people was overwhelming. It might as well have been one thousand people. My safety net split. Nothing about it seemed familiar and none of my previous experience put me at ease. I recognize this now as a fear of the unknown.

I didn’t know how I would ‘be’ in front of two hundred people. What would it feel like? Would I be able to do all of the same things I could do in front of twenty? Would they appreciate my attempts to engage them? Would I need to speak louder? Move more? And would I remember what I needed to say with all this pressure? It all felt like a huge risk.
​
Looking back, everything went really well, and I could’ve predicted it. I knew it was a good speech because it was a hit with those that sat in front of me on many previous occasions. I knew the material and the PowerPoint so well that I could do it at the drop of a hat. My boss had faith in me, and I trusted her judgement. The presentation went so well in fact, that I realized for the first time, speaking to an audience of that size provided more energy than anything I had ever experienced. I was charged up for hours afterwards. I loved it!

What makes speaking so nerve racking for me and many others is the idea that this is the very first time in front of this particular audience, sharing this content, in this space and time. It’s all new and largely unknown. Not being able to recognize anything as familiar is a uniquely terrifying experience.

We draw on what we know to anticipate experiences and it informs how we feel about them. The problem is the only experience we have to draw on might be the limited experience we had in the past and quite possibly it didn’t go well. Most individuals haven’t replaced those few memories with more supportive and empowering experiences. Instead they are drawing on what they know which is the embarrassment they faced in school, the agony of a failed client presentation, or the sheer panic of having to present to an executive.

We draw on these memories as we look at the impending doom we face. Years may have passed, and knowledge gained and still we end up feeling like it’s the first time. The common inclination is to memorize a script or cling tightly to a PowerPoint deck to control everything within our power. To lock down everything possible to ensure there are no surprises.

But Surprise! Speaking is surprising and dynamic. That’s what makes it so challenging and rewarding. (and fun!) I like to say it’s not ‘if’, but ‘when’ something shows up that you hadn’t planned for that will rock your world. The audio visual equipment doesn’t work, the microphone won’t turn on, there are lights in your face and you can’t see anyone, your contact says your speech needs to be cut in half as they are running out of time. You name it, it can happen. That is not meant to scare you, but rather open your eyes to the realities. No amount of control can keep you flexible, at ease, and full of grace in these situations.

The following is a list of ideas to refocus your thoughts for confidence.

· Dwell on the evidence you have that it could go well. If you focus on it, you will find what you are looking for.
· Let curiosity guide you in being flexible and open. You’ll be present and able to access your personal power.
· Prepare in a way that supports and empowers you. Writing a script may not be building your confidence. Find what does.
· Focus on your audience and how you can serve them. When your attention is on them it’s not about you, but rather what they need from you.

The next time you are asked to speak, find what is good and familiar. You have likely communicated successfully to others and not given yourself any credit. Draw on those experiences. If you truly can’t think of a scenario then pull from something difficult you’ve overcome in your life. What fueled you? What did you do to rise up and face it? How can you channel that strength now? If you are still struggling to find the champion inside you, give me a call. I will gladly take you to the place you find your strength.

With Confidence,
Sara Krisher